I googled "When it feels God has forgotten you + scripture" I got a few passages in Isaiah, Ezekiel, 1John, Romans and Hebrews as well as my favourite Psalm 13. I continued to cry out to God and read these passages. Before I came downstairs to read and after I sent an email to two of my friends, I prayed that He would just speak to me and tell me something because I felt lost and alone and tired. I know all the promises to Israel that He has fulfilled and continues to keep. What I feel like I didn't know was the promises He has made me. I want to know what to go after, what my heart should want. After I read these passages He began speaking to my heart, he told me to write it down. This is it:
I am creating this woman in you who will be strong and courageous and able to fight temptation. You are mine and I love you more than there are sands on the earth or stars in the sky. You are my chosen one. You stand before me and cry and I hear you, my heart breaks with yours. Find peace in my scriptures and hold fast. I know you are weary and the enemy attacks you but my plans for you outshine all of this. Just as I have kept my promises to Israel I will deliver you. I am not here to tease or ridicule you. You are here to grow in strength for these plans. You will be a butterfly. He has much struggle before he can flourish. Look to me for strength and I will reward you 10x's beyond your hearts desires. Be content with what little I have given you and I will give you multitudes more.
This was monumental to me. Right after God told me this one of my friends replied to the email I had sent. She spoke about pouring myself into things and that as G-d's children we are able to pour ourselves into anything we would like some are beneficial some are not. She told me that if scripture doesn't speak against it we should not feel guilty or ashamed for pouring our lives into it. She told me that if I wanted to pour myself into acting I should and that it's okay, it will be difficult but that is the business. She asked me if I would be okay with not knowing if I could have done it. If I could live with that. I can't. I knew in my heart I couldn't. I know that my work does not define me but I also know that this is the way God has given me passion. I am not a mistake nor is any part of my being. He has a plan a very distinct plan for me and my life. I want only to follow that plan, even if it means only sharing my joys with Him. This is such a short time on earth. Even as I write this my eyes cloud up because I don't want to be alone, but I do want to please my Father. I am so blessed to have amazing friends in my life and have no idea what I would be doing if they were not here. God has placed them where they are for a reason in the exact circumstances of their situation, I believe He has done that for each one of us. His sovereignty doesn't scare me in the sense of debilitating fear but I suppose more in the idea of a healthy fear of the Lord. We are His and He will do as He pleases, no one can say, "what have you done?" (daniel 4:35) I know that right before spring there seems to be nothing going on, because it is all going on underneath the surface but then spring happens and everything blooms. I am so in that dormant phase right now in life and am awaiting the metaphorical spring. I trust that He will provide and that He has plans that far outshine my ideas. Song of Solomon 6:3 says, I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine, he browses among the lilies.
Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary explains it as:
3. In speaking of Jesus Christ to others, she regains her own assurance. Literally, "I am for my beloved . for me." Reverse order from So 2:16. She now, after the season of darkness, grounds her convictions on His love towards her, more than on hers towards Him (De 33:3). There, it was the young believer concluding that she was His, from the sensible assurance that He was hers.
I belong to Jesus I have been purchased with the price of the Fathers son and how could I ever be forgotten? The Bible says in Isaiah 49:16 that, Behold, I have graven [tattooed] thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls [hands] are continually before me. In Eastern cultures the way to show your deep love and continual remembrance for someone was to engrave or tattoo their names on your body and to give gifts to people you loved slightly. G-d says that He has engraved our names on his palms a very painful spot as well as a place that is rarely covered by clothing. He can constantly see our names. I also believe that this is significant in the holes in Jesus' hands. My sins are forgotten and I am remembered by the holes in my Savior's hands. The amount of love G-d has for me puts the stars in the sky to shame and the sands of the earth to seem like an hourglass. My human heart still wants the things that my spirit struggles against but to know that I am loved through grace, mercy and limited knowledge of my failures settles my spirit. I have a personal relationship with G-d through the blood of His son and I could not be more remembered because of it
