God is so mysterious and amazing in the ways that He works. Earlier today I was on set for an industrial and got done earlier so I stopped by a coffee shop and was thinking of what to write in my blog seeing as I thought it was time for a new one. There is plenty going on that I would want or need to talk about but the one thing that has really been on my mind is my tongue. I mean not only my language but the junk that is laying waste in my heart and often times gets pushed out by my tongue. Verbal diarrhea. I recently got another tattoo on my foot that says, "How beautiful are the feet. . . Isa 52:7-10
How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger bringing good news, Breaking the news that all's well,
proclaiming good times, announcing salvation, telling Zion, "Your God reigns!" Voices! Listen! Your scouts are shouting, thunderclap shouts, shouting in joyful unison. They see with their own eyes God coming back to Zion. Break into song! Boom it out, ruins of Jerusalem: "God has comforted his people! He's redeemed Jerusalem!" God has rolled up his sleeves.
All the nations can see his holy, muscled arm. Everyone, from one end of the earth to the other, sees him at work, doing his salvation work. THE MESSAGE version
I take these verses to mean so many things but in the area of my tongue I feel that it's not just my drop of the f bomb or my occasional curse word but it is the junk that lies in my heart. The jealousy, the egotism, the insecurities, this list goes on. This is the stuff I truly have to take a look at. I was going to write all of this as I was sitting at Brooklyn Bagel company when my computer battery died. I decided to stop by the Mac store and check on fixing my Iphone and than on back to Hiawassee. I got all the way to the dead end of 400 and then over to where it connects to 129, there is a produce stand I have passed by tons of times, Farmhouse Produce. Their slogan is, Almost famous, No awards yet! I pulled over to check the gmap app to see if there was a shortcut I had never discovered. That is when it happened, my car began steaming. WHAT! I just got through putting a ton of money into this car so that I could pay it off, get out of debt and do the Dave Ramsey no car payment for the next one. I had just been talking to a friend of mine earlier about how I was glad that I had just fixed it instead of buying a new car, seeing as how I'm leaving for Israel in July and NYC in September and would like to either have my car paid off or sold before this change of scenery. Then this happens, at that moment I felt there were two ways to handle this, getting really mad and poor poor pitiful me or I could accept the situation, assess it and deal. After all getting irate or feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to change a thing. So I went with the latter and called my dad explained the situation and decided to wait an hour before I poured water into the radiator. I walked over to the gentlemen who were working and told them of my situation and that I would have to let my car sit there and cool off and I apologized it was on their property. The 2 guys and the couple were so wonderful about it. I went into the store and bought a coke in a glass bottle and some peanuts (you pour the peanuts into the coke - it's awesome) and bottled cokes have to high fructose devil corn syrup either! I sat outside and talked to the guys for awhile, they were having lunch and offered me a tomato sandwich and helped me kill the time. I sat there and realized that a. I had been strategically placed in that moment. I stopped by the Apple store and got off set at just the right time to be there for that moment. b. The situation with my car was telling me something. My car broke down a few months ago and it took so much money to put back into it. The thing that cost so much was my head gasket had cracked and I had to replace the whole top of the engine. The root of the problem was the radiator. However, I never replaced the radiator, I just kept patching it up and refilling it. (any mechanic reading this is shaking their head disapprovingly, or any guy for that matter!) But this happening today got me thinking about my tongue. My tongue is the head gasket sure it gets me into a lot of trouble and a few times has cost me a great deal in situations and friendships but the true root of the problem here is my heart. I can fix all the other stuff but if I keep patching up what the root of the problem is I'm just gonna have another blow out again. Sure it might not be as expensive and it might be a slow gradual procession that lands me in the mechanic shop with my credit card but it will in the end definitely cost me something. So this is where I begin to assess my heart. What is it in me that is making me want to comment about that girls outfit, be negative about a situation or laugh at that off colour joke or even worse repeat it. It all stems from my need to be accepted. I think as humans we all have this need to be loved and adored by the people around us and if that means letting go and compromising parts of our heart we will. We were created to be loved and adored and that is exactly what our Heavenly Father wants to do. We just have to be open to allowing that love to consume our hearts and fining our identity in His son. That is where my joy comes from. That is where my purpose lies. Not in my car, my iphone or my idea of success but at the cross. I am just now at 26 almost 27 years old beginning to see how much He truly loves us. It is breathtaking. I am constantly being reminded and bowled over by His ability to love me past my fears and failures. Our God is truly an awesome God. He has been teaching me so much lately and I am so blessed to live by grace. I am so excited for the things that He is harvesting in my heart and the places He is taking me. I am so excited about the adventure that God and I will share in these next few months with Israel and the internship in NYC. I have no idea where I will find myself in January but I am certain that it will be closer to His embrace and more in touch with my heart and it's desires.
