IsRAEL BLOG #4

Israel Blog # 4
I have been waiting for this. I’ve written about how last year I began asking God for an adventure. I wanted a huge adventure and what I thought that would look like is much different than how God’s vision of my life is manifesting. I also began praying about six months ago that God would pressure cook me to be ready for what it is He created me for. I always thought that would look like Broadway or Hollywood. Whenever people told me growing up that God had something big planned for me I always thought that meant my dreams of stardom. At the time those dreams were filled with musical theatre and film. I could not begin to imagine my life taking any other direction. I have said this before but feel the need within the context of this blog to reiterate. I have always felt like I was good at a lot of stuff. I’m a good actress, good singer, good teacher, good writer, etc. . Yet, I never felt like I was great at anything. I realize now that great is when God’s hand reaches down and touches your hip like Jacob and you are forever changed. This means that you have to wrestle with God to get that. I have been wrestling with God.

A few months ago I felt called to give up my dreams of my acting career. There is a lot of me in that last sentence and that was my life. I have began to pray on this trip that God would have me die a little bit more to myself each day so that I may look more like Him each day.
On Erev Shabbat (Friday night) we had a worship service in the prayer chapel at the guest house we were staying at. Justin, Saba Ben and Matt set up a beautiful place of worship for us. There were tea light candles that lined the path to the chapel and then inside there were candles at every corner and a large cross made out of candles was in the center. We had been asked to enter in silence and when we arrived Crystal, one of the many talented women on the trip was playing the piano. It was absolutely beautiful. Matt began playing guitar and we began to worship. He talked about praying without ceasing. He had us do an exercise where we breathed in and out prayers. The first prayer we did was from Luke 18, the parable about the Pharisee and the tax collector. The Pharisee goes in and prays about how wonderful he is and how much pride he has to not be like other people. The tax collector in the back wouldn’t even look up. He beat his breast and cried, “Lord have mercy on me a sinner. Christ said this man went home justified. So in the exercise we breathed in, “Jesus Christ Son of God then (breathe out), Have Mercy on me a sinner. The second one he taught us was, “The Lord is my shepherd (breathe out)I shall not be in want. Then one from Samuel, “Speak Lord, (breathe out) your servant is listening. And finally, “Be still (breathe out) and know that I am God from Psalm 46:10. This exercise was incredibly cathartic. I began to hear God speaking to me about letting go, being still.
On Saturday we went to Megiddo and to Jezreel Valley where Armageddon is supposed to take place. The air force base is here and my friend Opher works there, he has requested we quit calling it Armageddon since this is in fact where he reports to work. ;) The reason this area is so incredibly important is because whomever owns and occupies this land is the power who is in control of the major passages. This area connects Asia, Africa and Europe. This is an incredibly powerful land mass. This is synonymous with our hearts. Whatever owns and occupies our hearts is what owns our minds and bodies. Justin compared us to the characters in The Wizard of Oz. They were looking for these things that they had with them all along. We are looking for these things that we already have through Yeshua. The thing that matters is that we surrender our lives to Him. Yeshua came from a place called Nazareth, in the Bible the question was asked, “Nazareth? What good can come from there?” However, they never wanted to remove the title Nazareth from his name. Yeshua is able to use us no matter what situation we come from, what our past is like.
The next morning we were asked to wake up at 5am and go down to the Sea of Galilee and have some quiet time with God. I got down there and a few verses were opened up to me, Psalm 106:4, Remember me O Lord, when you show favor to your people, come to my aid when you save them that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones, that I may share in the joy of your nation.” Psalm 33:4, For the word of the Lord is right and true, he is faithful in all He does. Psalm 34:4, I sough the Lord and He answered me, He delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 31:3-5, Since you are my rock and fortress for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit redeem me O Lord the God of the Torah.
It was in this time that I heard God telling me to let go. I felt as if I had let go of everything. I have given over not knowing what’s in store for me in the next year, I’ve given up working on achieving a career in acting, I’ve given up the ideas of a “normal” life and sold out to the fact that I may never have anything else brand new and I may be entering into a life that is extremely frightening and probably not “successful” in the world’s view. BUT, there was one thing I was refusing to take my death grip off of. It is a cause of much stress, tears and fear. It was holding me back from fully surrendering myself to Him. As I was sitting there where Yeshua had walked, close to where He may have called Simon and Andrew to be fishers of men I knew that I wasn’t completely following Him. I was holding out on Him. I had to surrender and let it go. I finally realized that He wants me despite of my inability to get Him, in spite of my failures and my fears. I knew that I had to cut that last rope. That last thing I was holding onto. These things have taken years to shed. But 5 years later and I have finally gotten rid of all of the cords that were tying me to myself. God is enthralled by each of us. He finds our beauty to have no comparison. This was the morning of my 27th birthday. This birthday had so much more meaning than just turning a year older. This was a brand new birth.
Justin also talked about how we treat the people who are so different than us. In the two stories where the thousands of people were fed with few loaves and fish there is a huge lesson here. The first time it happened the disciples were in their own land, the Jewish side of the Galilee. One day had gone by and the disciples were worried about getting food for the people who had been listening to Yeshua teach. Yeshua gets the two fish and the five loaves and feeds the 5000 people. Then they cross the lake and go to the Gentile side. THREE DAYS PASS that Yeshua teaches and the people listen. The disciples are not even the least bit concerned that the people have not eaten in three days. It takes Yeshua asking how much bread they have. He says that He has compassion for them and that the disciples should feed them. The disciples ask the dumbest question, they want to know where they can get that much food they only have 7 loaves of bread. Yeshua just a few days before had fed 5000 people and this was only 4000 and this time the disciples at least had some food to work with. I suppose they had just "forgotten" that it was Yeshua who had just a few days before taken some bread and some fish and fed 5000 full with leftovers. God knew there would be leftovers, He wanted us to know that He will always provide. When God provides there is always leftovers. We need to learn to go out of our way to provide for the people who are so different from ourselves.

Justin also taught on when God spoke to Moses and said His own name. Moses recorded it as YHWH or Yahweh, the Hebrew letters of this are י (yud) ה (hey) ו (vav) ה (hey). There has been some speculation about when God said His name if it wasn’t actually His breath. That Moses actually heard God’s breath. Is God in the rustling of the wind in the branches? Is that actually God dwelling amongst us? Is that His presence when you hear the leaves shake?

We also talked about the woman who was healed of bleeding by Yeshua. She was unclean and therefore she couldn’t touch anything. This made her an outcast. She couldn’t sit anywhere, touch anybody, nothing. She pushed through a crowd, touching everyone to get to the one man she knew could heal her. She had massive faith. Sure there had to be some moments of fear. She had to have thought what if this didn’t work? What if He isn’t who he says he is? What if I’m stoned for this? In this day she would have been killed for touching a Rabbi with her state. She made a huge leap of faith because she believed He was the only one who could heal her. She believed touching Him alone would heal her. She was right. Because of her amazing faith she was healed.
On Sunday we did immersions in the Jordan River if you so chose. This was one of the things that really led me to want to go on this trip. I prayed about it the night before and I just knew that this was something God was calling me to do. That night I began to have small nightmares before I fell asleep where I was falling off of a cliff into a deep abyss. This assured me that I had to let go. I had to trust that when I stepped off of that cliff God was going to be there to catch me. If I didn’t take that step something may come along to push me off. I let go and I wanted it to be official. I wanted to show God that I was committed. I was His, all His. I thought that I had given it all up but I knew deep down that this thing was holding me back from being used the way He wants to use me. So I released it. I submitted myself to Him and His will. I publicly professed that I had nothing now, God could finally use me the way He wanted to. I am no longer holding myself back.

While we were at the Sea of Galilee we went to a retreat center called Beit Bracha. There were two ladies there from New Zealand. They both had such a peace about them. I want to be that woman in Proverbs 31 that is peaceful yet strong, vulnerable yet protective. I want to be the woman that can bring honour to her household. When I do get married I want my husband to be looked upon highly. I want to bring happiness and adventure to every day of our lives. God is slowly changing my heart and my desires to match His. I see glimpses of this woman and the glimpses are slowly turning into my reality. I put all my trust in Yeshua for He has rescued me before and I know that my life is best in His hands. He is my saviour, my romancer and the keeper of my heart. There is truly no one like Him, and I choose to believe.

May you discover God’s abounding love. May you know that He loves you whether you don’t feel worthy or whether you don’t believe He’s even there. May you have the courage to step forward when the risks are too great and the “what if’s” outweigh your faith. And may the love of Yeshua fill your life with great joy and hope for all your days to come.