“This is my desire, this is my return. This is my desire to be used by you.” This Jeremy Camp song is playing as I sit out here on the patio of my home for a month at Beit Bracha (house of blessing. It truly is beautiful here. I am by far very moved in this place. From the porch I can see the Sea of Galilee and the lights of Tiberius. It is peaceful here. I am somewhat mourning the loss of the group dynamic though. I shouldn’t say somewhat. I am having some major withdrawals. I would like to take a few paragraphs to wrap up the last few days of the trip.
The last I wrote to you I was headed to hike Masada the next morning at 3 AM. This is the place where the Jewish rebels ran to in 64 AD when Rome began to overtake Israel. They lived there for 7 years before the Romans conquered them. However, they never retaliated because the Romans were sending Israeli slaves up to fight them and the religious zealots refused to take the lives of their own people. In 73 AD the Romans finally breached the walls and took over the fortress. However, when they arrived they found that everyone except for 2 women and 5 children were dead. They had cast lots and committed suicide. It is a fascinating story and the sunrise from that place is indescribable. The hike usually takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and I would like everyone to know I accomplished this in 27 minutes. OH YA!!! It was a great life lesson to climb this mountain. I was able to break off from the group and climb it alone. This is a big thing for me because I am very much a people person. I enjoy being in the thick of things. I love people! I was passed up by two guys who ran up the mountain. It upset me because they passed me. The competitive side in me runs deep. Then a few yards later I passed up some other people then again some others. It reminded me that in life we are often passed and we often pass. For the last few years in my career I have felt passed a lot. It makes it difficult. I realize it is not a game to see who finishes first it is a journey. On that hike I realized that God never promised to make our paths straight or clear out all the rocks or take away the looming danger of a steep drop off. He did however promise to be there with us. Guiding us if we look to Him.
Later that day we went to Ein Gedi and it was beautiful. It has made reading the Psalms that much more exciting. I know have a visual of where David may have sat as he poured out his heart to our God.
We then moved onto the Dead Sea. It was fantastic. We got a few pictures of us floating around and covered like mud monkeys! Justin told us that the spiritual significance is that the Jordan flows into the Dead Sea but nothing flows out of it. This is the same for us, if nothing is flowing out of us we too will become dead. We all decided this was the toilet bowl of the earth. It was so incredibly hot here. You could swim through the air, not because of humidity but because of the thickness of heat.
On the way to the Holocaust museum the next day we passed some sunflowers and Justin pointed out that a sunflower is ready for harvest when it is bowed to the sun. God is amazing how his nature points right to Him. We then arrived at Yad Vashem (the Holocaust museum) I knew that this was going to be one of the hardest parts of the trip for me. I knew this from the minute I saw the itinerary. The Holocaust is one of those things I have a very hard time dealing with. I don’t think I will ever understand how someone could have bought into that. However, I don’t think things are any different now. These things are going on all over the world and we all let them slide. I am not better than the population of these axis countries in the 30’s and 40’s. I would like to think I’m different but I’m not. I pretty much broke down throughout the whole museum. I have such a heart for these people and to see what had been done to them broke me. I wanted to approach every Jewish person there and hug them. I wanted to apologize for the fact that almost no one helped them. Hitler almost won. However, I do believe that this is a testament to God’s existence. There is a story that an ancient French monarch asked Blaise Pascale to prove the existence of God and Mr. Pascale answered, “The Jewish people Your Majesty!” I think this quote could not hit closer. This is a group of people that have had constant opposition. Many times large armies or governments have gone after them with the motive of annihilation and the Jewish people have always managed to survive. This is God. The whole time through the museum I kept asking God how he could have allowed this to happen. His answer, “I didn’t. This is what humans do.” We are a fallen people. We are not perfect nor are we sinless. We need a higher power, we need Yeshua to bridge the gap between our inability to become blameless and God’s inability to touch sin. I was able to witness a miracle while there. I was behind a group of IDF (Israeli Defense Force) female soldiers. The miracle: Israel is a nation, they have an army! Not only had God never allowed them to be wiped out He has given them a nation, a defense force. That my friends is a miracle.
That night we went on a walk through the Biblical gardens at Yad Hashemona where we stayed while in Jerusalem. Saba walked us through and gave us a lesson. There were many great lessons but the one that stuck out the most was the watchtower. Fields in Israel are full of rocks. This is an incredibly rocky area. When farmers were cultivating their fields they would take out all the rocks and build their boundaries with them. Then they would dig into the land and when they did that more rocks would come to the surface. They would take those rocks and then build their watchtower with them. Saba compared it to our hearts. When we begin cultivating our hearts we should take those “rocks” and build our boundaries with them. Whenever you begin to dig deep in there you always find more junk that comes to the surface that you had forgotten about. We should take those and set up a watchtower to keep watch for those things that will cause “heart problems” in the future. It was in also in the watchtower where Ruth came to her kinsman redeemer Boaz and slept at his feet. I find that story so beautiful. She had some major guts.
We then made our way to Jerusalem the next morning. By this time I had cried so much that I was able to mentally grasp the area. It wasn’t an emotional waterfall for me it was a grateful longing to be closer to my Saviour. We started out at the Western Wall and then we went to the Temple Mount and he Dome of the Rock. It was a hard day. The Western Wall was beautiful. I was able to spend a good amount of time on the wall praying and leaving my prayers there. I am grateful to have a saviour I can go to every day. I am so grateful that I know the Messiah. It was sad as well as beautiful. The Dome of the Rock was a difficult thing. The atmosphere automatically changes there. However, I was reminded later in worship that God loves these people as much as He loves me. That is a difficult pill to swallow sometimes but it is the truth. The temple mount was also sad. Here was this area that used to be this great temple for these people. However, the temple now lives within me. That was thrilling.
We went to the Temple Institute after that. Strange. This is a museum of the future. This is a place where they are preparing for the building of the 3rd Temple. They have the menorah made of solid gold that is huge. They also have the priestly outfit that the High Priest will wear as well as the bread racks for the consecrated bread. They have so much stuff done and ready and just waiting for the 3rd Temple. This is the real stuff also made to the specific requirements told by God in the Torah. If you know anything about prophesy this is really exciting. I am by no means saying that the end of the world is near, I am however saying that it’s interesting and exciting. We have never been this close to the 3rd Temple.
The last day we spent at the place where Jesus was held at Caiphas’ house. We were in the dungeon that is said to have held Christ in his final hours. We saw the area where they would have cast lots to play a game called, “Kings”. The Roman soldiers would play a game much like Russian Roulette with the prisoners. Most prisoners did not actually make it out of this game alive. Yeshua did. This is why He was crowned “King”. As we read Psalm 88, the Psalm that Yeshua would have prayed to God, His Father. I will not copy it down but encourage you to look it up in your Bibles. It was extremely powerful to hear Justin read that as we were in the dungeon where my Saviour was, alone, scared and humiliated. It reminds me that there is not a single feeling I can feel that is not understood.
We then walked the path He would have walked to the crucifixion site. One of the guys on the trip reminded us that WE all did this to Him. I don’t like it when people accuse the Jews of killing Jesus or the Romans. We all pierced His hands, we all put the sword through His side and hoisted Him up on that wooden plank. Every time I have ignored someone who needed a friend, every time I did something straight in the face of God that I knew was wrong. That’s a hard thing to swallow, it’s so much easier to just blame it on someone else. When we got to what is said to be the crucifixion site, Golgotha. It is near the beautiful garden. A bus station is there now. What I found great is that it is perfect that a bus station is there. First of all, it is not about the crucifixion, what a terrible thing to build a shrine around. Secondly, Christ told us to go out into all the world and share the gospel. How perfect that there is a means of transportation there. We then walked over to the Garden tomb. This is where I believe Yeshua was buried only to rise again 3 days later. It just felt right. The tomb was very small. The garden was beautiful. We had a fantastic little Englishman as our tour guide and he continued to remind us, “It’s not about the place but about the relationship with the Christ.” He is right. We were able to take communion and praise Yeshua’s name through worship while there. While we were singing there was an African choir next to us singing as well. Then there was the Muslim prayers going out of the minerets. One of the girls pointed out that this is what heaven was going to be like. The blending of all of these cultures. It was truly magical. Because of my Yeshua, I have the hope of singing with all different peoples in all different languages and here on earth I got a taste albeit a very small one of what Heaven will be like. We joined the African choir in singing the same song but in English. I believe that was a gift from God.
It has been difficult leaving this group. Justin pointed out on our last night together all gathered around the bonfire that this would be the last time this group of people would be together until the kingdom of God. It’s a strange feeling to know that that statement is true.
I am here now in Galilee at Beit Bracha volunteering for the month of August. It is exciting but scary in the same moment. The enemy is trying to bring up old chains in my heart and working hard on isolating me. I know that the power within me is stronger than him. God is in control. He worked this out too smoothly for me to have had anything to do with it. I know that amazing things are beginning to happen. I have been in such a waiting place for so long and now it seems to be changing. After many long talks with Justin I am considering going to Bible College at Moody. We will see. It is something I have been interested in for awhile now but kept telling God that I didn’t want to waste anymore time. Funny huh! Studying the Bible and wasting time just don’t belong in the same sentence! Oh the limits we put on ourselves, to believe that at 27 I am getting too old to be going back to school. I think we all need to focus on what it is God is calling us to do not what the timetables of other people are. I love that God is a gracious God who is slow to anger and abounding in love. He has showed me so many little things and huge things these 3 weeks I have been here. Things that He has been preparing my heart for this whole time. God is faithful. Every time I have started to think that things are not in control or being handled He gently reminds me that He is in control. I got the email about Beit Bracha the day I was immersed in the Jordan making a public profession of faith that God had ALL of me now. I had cut that last chord I was holding onto and I had nothing. Through giving God ALL of me I gained everything. Amazing how that works. I began freaking out about money for the next month and each time I was thinking about it I checked my email and had news about money there. God is working even when we don’t see it. He will never allow His children to go without if they are chasing after what His heart desires. Great question: How do you know God is speaking to you? When you know His voice. The more time you spend with someone the more you know the sound of their voice even when you can’t see their face.
May you bow your head towards the Son and prepare for your harvesting. May you build the boundaries around your heart and build your watchtower high enough to see incoming potential disasters. May you tune your ear to His voice and know the sound of His smile. May God fill your world so much with His presence that you find it impossible to ignore Him and may you open your eyes to the abounding love the Father has for you.
Attached are the lyrics to the song I was listening to by Jeremy Camp:
You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king
You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King
This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You
You want to be real, you want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart is to feel You near
And I know my life
It's to do Your will
It's to do Your will
This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You
All my life I have seen
Where You've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen
There's not much I can do to repay all You've done
So I give my hands to use
This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You
No comments:
Post a Comment